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MDD

by Birkenwald

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1.
When I was little I learned that loving someone meant getting hurt, So I decided not to love anyone, Therefore, I'd never get hurt again.
2.
Wandering in the dark of night, through the lifeless outskirts streets, With their cement heart and steel lungs swallowing up all my thoughts In spite of dawn is near, everything is still sleeping in silence, lulled by rain, whose ticking tumbles on houses roofs with its hypnotizing pounding Falling drops sweetly strike my face, mixing with the flowing tears, As my fragile hopes are shattered by this empty isolation. I’ve walked along every corner of my subconscious, in vain, Without finding any answer. When solitude shines on its own All my certainties eclipse, facing the unknown. Inquietude dries all this flow, Like rays of an unborn sun Now that my childhood dreams are vaguer, as time goes by, I’ll never have a second chance until when I’ll pass away. “A common person walking to and fro across life’s blind alleys”, they’ll think And a grave will be like home to me when I am gone. When solitude shines on its own All my certainties eclipse, facing the unknown. Inquietude dries all this flow, Like rays of an unborn sun I’m almost home. I only have to reach the end of the street. Now a starry nightsky leads me through houses rows. I fall asleep while dawn appears at sunrise.
3.
4.
Your eyes have lost their spark And your hands are increasingly cold, As I wish we could recall these streets together, With my already faded positiveness slipping away. The illusion that we are wandering through this contrived earth, looking for our tomorrow, will soon dissipate. Once this disarming loneliness, whose accomplishment consists in my entire existence, will have woken me up from the umpteenth daydream for the umpteenth time, Everything that my mind has built with difficulty will be destroyed outright by daily reality. I’ve already been in this worrying place, And now I feel like we’re going to die here. Therefore hold my hand and bid me your last farewell; Don’t make all this more painful than it has to be. Dealing with darkness has always been a need, But I’ve ingenuously overrated my addiction to grief Days are passing slowly and inexorably, As I continue to wait here for you to come back. Nothing has changed since you’ve left this place And Still it will be so for so many years. People usually rely on prayers, in order not to lose their hope. Instead, I prefer deceiving myself, trying to keep my mind busy all over the day. Everything proves to be useless! I am destined to drown in a whirlwind of mediocrity and disdain Which will deprive me of every meaningful anchorage and desire. Sometimes, human beings are not even able to realise what’s the reason Of the fire burning among the same bones which sustain this pain. Angst is not anymore the vulture which wanted to tear my carcass to pieces, But a brush painting greyer these such already grey days. Wrapping all my emotions, as soon as my nerves fray.
5.
Living by intense emotions has dragged me to total detachment. Nowadays, I am forced to waste my days in an anguishing coma. As far as I remember, once, even watching snow falling filled my heart. I also used to walk through autumn colors, losing myself in their harmony. Sadness, despair, happiness, hope, such empty words echoing in my head Since I try to look inside me an abyss of apathy comes into view. Joy, rage, regret, grief, so many poets dealt with their abstract nature Without figuring out their real meaning. Leafing through old photo-albums, covered in dust, Not aware of what my pulses might feel. I perceive nothing, but a strange sensation of bitterness I get gooseflesh every time I see these pictures, but I don’t know why, I always wake up at morning with heart palpitations and grasp for breath, While sweat flows through my brow and all my body shivers. I try not to look after it, persuading myself to scrape along, As I ignore the reasons of this undefined sensation. How long will this misery last? And What am I going to become? The more I observe your pleased smiles, the less I feel to belong to this world. I wander across an endless path, whose borders are made by all my lost delights.

about

Recorded between January and March 2017.
Engineered, mixed and mastered by Federico Ascari (Wavemotion recordings) between March and April 2017.
Distributed by Birkenwald.

credits

released June 22, 2017

Thanks to:
Nothos (The Negation) for the help in songwriting.
L.T. for the speech and clean parts.

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Birkenwald Bologna, Italy

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